this never bodes well for when I travel…
Thu 19 Aug 2010
06. SAN FRANCISCO 2010
Posted by krist under SF
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Delta Miles: 30K Silver Medallion (sold some miles to a friend)
Location: NJ / NYC / SFO
Airport: EWR / JFK
Date: August 2010
So since getting my medallion upgrade, people have a tendency to treat me nicer at Delta. This being said doesn’t stop my travel karma (or I am calling it my kravel) from fucking with me still.
I am going to a wedding in SF and bought the cheapest ticket I could find on Delta since it’s on my dime. I end up having to take a plane from Newark to Minnesota to SF.
I also have been trying to save money so I have been taking public transportation to and from the local NYC airports. So my flight is at 3p. I leave my house at like 120p. take a taxi to Penn Station and then a train to Newark Airport (EWR). Since I am going to SF for a wedding and to stay with my buddy BIll for a week I decide to pack a bit more than my usual tiny travel bag. I have my dickies bag and a tote. yes a tote. I have confirmed that it’s ‘metal’ and looks ok on a straight dude. I am sure you as the reader will differ.
I walk up the sky medallion walk way.. (one of my favorite things about being silver medallion) take that suckers!! I walk up to this very pleasant German lady (pleasant German lady, oxymoron?) and she tells me that my flight from Newark is delayed two hours and I would miss my flight in Minnesota SO… we talk about options..
She tells me that I could take a flight from JFK direct to SF at 7p. (it’s like 3 now and my original flight was at 4p.) I tell her there’s no way I am going to spring for a cab from newark to jfk, cabs in nyc want to charge like 70 alone just to EWR. She smiles, hands me a ‘taxi voucher’.. (that’s a first for me)..
OK. what could go wrong right?
So I take my bag (and tote) and head to JFK. I get in a Nj taxi, which is like some dude in car yelling at me in another language, wait, maybe it is like a nyc cab. Anyway, I get into the cab with this dude and I find out that the voucher is for like 90 dollars. damn.. I make sure that everything is covered in the voucher.
me: so that voucher covers everything right?
that dude: yes except tip.
me: wait 90 dollars isn’t enough to get me 41 miles plus a tip?
that dude: no.
me: I hate you
anyway, we drive to JFK. I arrive, the dude makes me walk to my terminal. I give him 5 dollars (it’s hard for me to not tip people). I check my bag (hold the tote, that’s what it’s for!), which I never do but I just don’t want to carry it, and sit down at Todd English’s restaurant Bonfire.
good place to eat. check it.
(it’s funny that the last time I was here I was going to Dallas for the weekend for work and my trip got cancelled… I don’t trust this terminal)
I get a call, it says “hi this is delta hit 1 for an important note about your flight..”
I didn’t want to press 1.
delayed 2 hours. no leaving til 9p. I was literally almost supposed to be in SF by the time this flight is supposed to leave.
ouch.
by this time I am fed up. when we’re about to board they ask us if anyone wants to give up their flight for delta voucher, meal tickets (where have I heard this before??) and a flight early next morning..
fuck it.
maybe my kravel will get better as tomorrow progesses..
things that happen over the next 24 hours.
a. my meal vouchers that were valued at 20 were denied at the airport hotel causing me to pay 12 dollars out of pocket for the worst chicken ever consumed.
b. I can’t change my clothes or brush my teeth (i called and asked for toothpaste twice, they forgot)
c. I almost give up my seat again for another 600 dollar voucher
d. I am delayed 45 minutes on the runway
e. we break the thing that backs up the plane on the way to the runway.
NEXT TRIP: FLORIDA TWO WEEKS
Thu 19 Aug 2010
05. AUSTRALIA 2009 PART II
Posted by krist under AUSTRALIA
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Delta Miles: 65k
Location: AUSTRALIA
Airport: JFK / LAX
Date: August 2009
the following happened over about 3 / 4 posts on thepunkguy.com here is part 2. call this one the happy ending..
1. “before I really start writing about my trip about sydney (right now I am writing this from the “customs house” in sydney, look it up.)..
let me tell you that Delta and I have made up in a big way.”
2. “Have I mentioned why Delta and I are no longer fighting? Well I got on the phone with someone from Delta and told him my plight of the night before (HERE) and not to mention, when I showed up at LAX I found out that they had issued me a middle seat. A middle seat for 14 hours. fuck that. so I called… I brought all I could to the performance. it paid off. Within 20 minutes, I was in Business Class. Have you ever taken business class for 14 hours? Well, neither have I. And truth be told I couldn’t tell you what it was like, since I slept 9 straight hours of that flight. Lovely. Like a handjob burrito.
So when I got to Sydney, I got a call from my buddy Geoff, who I am staying with. He was slurring his words and speaking in what I thought was some strange aboriginal language. Actually he had just gotten off of work and was still completely hammered. Ha.”
3. “free wifi on the plane ride home.
I feel like I haven’t been horizontal in days.
my back is fucked, my knees hate me and I still don’t seem to mind.
i did get two australian stamps in my passport. that’s exciting..
I watched the hangover again. And Fighting. hmmm..
so I think I am at the tail end of a 20 hour travel day.
wow.”
Thu 19 Aug 2010
04. AUSTRALIA 2009 PART 1
Posted by krist under AUSTRALIA, LOS ANGELES
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Delta Miles: 65k
Location: AUSTRALIA
Airport: JFK / LAX
Date: August 2009
the following happened over about 3 / 4 posts on thepunkguy.com here is part 1.
1. “So must of us who read this site know what trouble I get into when I enter an airport..
So with that being said, let’s keep our fingers crossed that this one goes smoothly.
I skip over tomorrow, Friday August 28th, 2009. It does not exist. I am excited about it cause this will be the second time in my life I have time traveled.
I apologize to anyone who has a birthday tomorrow. I will officially won’t be able to celebrate. However, if your birthday is September 9th, I will be re-doing that day twice. So happy birthday twice to you.
Let’s hope my flight won’t mysteriously be LOST..
talk to you in 20+ plus hours.”
2. “The bathrooms may or may not be broken on this flight.
Welcome to my flying karma.
In a past lifetime or maybe as a small child, I must have shit on a very mean and very old and extremely vengeful gypsy’s lap. Cause my flying karma isn’t the best.
Good news, there’s no personal tvs on this 6 hour flight and no free meals.
Go Delta!”
3. ” This will be very short cause I’m about to take off but my plane was just delayed 4 hours.
Which means I missed my connecting flight in LA which means, I have no fucking clue.
So in 5 hours I might be stuck in LA.
Will I ever start my vacation??
Does anyone have bad luck like mine? Honestly?”
4. ” can explain how frustrated I get when I travel and bad things happen.
I am so tired of being upset that I am drained of all wit, humor and venom.
I will say that I was ( ) this close to grabbing someone over the counter at the Delta baggage claim area and fucking this woman’s face with my fist.
it goes like this…
a. I arrive 2 hours early to catch my 635p flight to LAX. I have approximately 30 minutes between landing in LAX and changing planes to go to Sydney.
b. I wait.
c. I get on the plane on time. It feels lovely to start the flight. I sit on the plane for 20 minutes. The pilot tells us that he has “some good news and some bad news.” Never a good sign, if I am on board.
Remember this part for later, it’s important. He tells us that only one of the bathrooms is broken and he couldn’t possibly have us fly across the country with having only one bathroom. (They do think it’s alright to have not offer us one piece of free food within that flight, or give us individual tv’s.) The good news is that even though we’re scheduled for a 6 hour flight, he can get us there in 5. So, we can at least waste 45 trying to fix the bathroom without us losing any time.
d. I wait. 45 mins. The pilot comes on and tells us we can get off the plane if we want to stretch our legs. Hmmm, that’s a new one.
e. I get off of the plane. It has now been an hour and half, which means I have already officially missed my flight. This is not a good moment for me.
f. 2 hours pass. We wait for a new plane. This is no longer funny.
g. We get a new gate and a new plane. We board.
h. We sit some more. He tells us that we need the proper paperwork for us to fly away. I was wondering if a napkin with the words “GO FUCK YOURSELF” will work. I am betting it doesn’t.
i. We then taxi for… 35 minutes. It has been 4 hours and ten minutes since my original flight was supposed to take off. Then the pilot comes on and says the absolute best / fakest enthusiast thing I have ever heard. “Just to let you know, we have been able to shave about 16 minutes off the flight, so we will make it there in 4 hours and 50 minutes now.”
really? who over the age of 15 months would be excited about this news? you mean, now I am only going to be 3 hours and 42 minutes late for my 14 hour flight to Australia? YIPPEEESS!
j. we take off. I curse the skies. I often wonder if I somehow got out of a plane that crashed and as a result destiny has been forever punishing me over and over with this incredible bullshit.. I am living the Final Destination movies over and over. Wash Rinse Delayed Repeat.
k. I land. I watched Star Trek. Still a fine movie as far as I am concerned. Rent it if you haven’t seen it.
l. I leave and get on line to find out what my options are. PS. If you don’t know it already. I hate LA. Sorry. I do. My options are this.. I HAVE NONE. I have to wait till 10p on Friday for the one and only flight to sydney on Delta. Period. that’s it. sorry. Oh yeah, here’s a hotel. this is also funny. they give us three meal vouchers. one is dinner, however, our check out time is 2p. um. so ? can I get that cordon bleu to go?
m. i go and pick up my baggage and my bag is WIDE OPEN. literally, my zipper is broken and three of my outside pockets are EMPTY. I go and talk to the baggage people, they tell me if TSA has been involved, they aren’t responsible for what is done to the bag. SO here I am, my bag is ripped, filthy and missing shit and this woman is telling me, NO ONE is accountable for it. What is this, the Bush administration? wait did I mention, there is a tire track ON MY LUGGAGE?
n. Let’s end it here. I call delta. I bitch and bitch till they give me 200 dollars in a travel voucher and I am stealing internet from a nearby La Quinta.
really? oh yeah and it’s 6am new york time. wtf?”
Thu 19 Aug 2010
3. ATLANTA 2009
Posted by krist under ATLANTA
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Delta Miles: 55k
Location: Atlanta
Airport: ATL
Date: June 2009
“Fuck atlanta. Someone just asked me to switch seats with them cause they had a kid with them. Now I’m In a middle seat for 2 hours.
Southern hospitality my ass”
Thu 19 Aug 2010
2. Hawai’i 2009
Posted by krist under HAWAI'I
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Delta Miles: 50k
Location: Hawai’i
Airport: JFK / LAX
Date: January 2009
I know I’ve bitched about this in the past but I’d really like to expound on this topic for a brief moment.
So after being delayed for 2 hours for some mysterious “mechanical” problem, we are shuffled on to our almost 6 hour flight from jfk to lax.
As we’re boarding they tell us that we are able to purchase a lunch if wed like.
How, please tell me, is this good business? If delta was a dude I’d punch him square in the face.
Wtf?
Charge me for food? I just waiting an extra two hours for something that you won’t even tell me about and then you have the audacity to charge me for food ?? I’m on your plane for almost 6 hour and you won’t feed me?
I showed up to the airport 1 hour early like you told me. So let’s make believe I had a bagel at 830a this morning which I did. Then expected that might be able to hold me over till I get to LA.
So its been almost 4 hours since I ate since I refuse to eat anything at JFK cause its all too expensive for crazy bad for you. So now I’m waiting another 6 hours to eat cause of the flight.
So I won’t anything for 10 hours and YOU, Delta have the balls to charge me for fucking a meal??
Screw you Delta.
This is the reason you’re going ass up.
Losing weight. kristian.
Thu 19 Aug 2010
1. Chicago 2006
Posted by krist under CHICAGO
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Delta Miles: Unknown (this might be pre Sky Miles for me)
Location: Chicago / NYC
Airport: LGA
Date: August, 2006
from thepunkguy.com
“Let me tell you one thing about travel, I think there is only one way to do it correctly.
Below is about my travel TO Chicago this weekend.
I leave work early on Friday night to try to get to LaGuardia in time for my 6pm flight to Chicago. When I arrive at the airport, there is an unbelievable line in the American Airlines area. I walk over to get in my “no bags, self check in line”…
It spits out a pass that says I am trying to board too early.
I look at my flight, it says it is on Saturday now. What?? I find my flight on the board and it says CANCELLED! what? huh? er….
The line is unbelievable, one line wraps all the way around the terminal, the other one is security. The family in front of me, obviously has never flown before. (Do I take my laptop out? Mom, take off your watch. Should I take off these steel toed workman boots? Wait, you need to see my boarding pass? Etc.)
C’mon on people, I enjoy being in planes and getting to my destination but I don’t like to spend more time in airports than I have to.
Some quick rules to airport travel.
A. Before you get to the security line, take off anything that might set off the alarm, I haven’t had an alarm go off on me in like ten years. Put your shit in a bag, including belts, jewelry and shit.
B. Don’t ever check luggage if you don’t have to. The line was maybe an hour and half just to check in luggage. Guys, don’t over do it. A weekend can fit in one bag.
C. If it is 5am and you are online with 8 other very tired looking people, don’t fuckin’ scream on your cell phone to someone somewhere in the airport, promising them you will pick up fuckin’ pretzels.
D. Fuck the airport. Honestly, these airlines, don’t give a fuckin’ shit about the consumer.
So I know this last one sounds harsh but I was on the phone with a “manager” in Tucson Friday night, talking to me about how he can’t give me a voucher for my lost time, money or sanity. I had to pay for a room (100.00), a ticket to the pitchfork preshow (30.00) and two extra taxis (50.00) that’ll I never see or get back.
Maybe over there in Tucson, they can afford to just throw away 200.00 but me the freelancer, can’t. Of course, they used this bullshit line, “Act of God” blah blah blah
Well first of all, I’m atheist. Don’t pull this shit with me. If I am late for an appointment, I don’t say, “Act of God, sorry, God didn’t want me to get up on time.”
Tell me, if the weather sucks so much how is it possible that other airlines got people to Chicago? Or how my friend got to Chicago 4 hours before me. They cancelled ALL FLIGHTS to Chicago ALL NIGHT. Was there some sort of super-storm surrounding Chicago last night that I didn’t hear about?
So as I talk to Mr. Anthony Barnett in Tucson, I say, “I am on planes all the time with open seats, how about you give me a voucher and I can take one of those seats? It’s not like I am asking for a check for 200 dollars?”
Or how about that I flew over 80,000 miles with American over the last 3 years and that maybe I should be treated like a valued customer? Or how about I am just fuckin’ pissed and need to be treated like a human and not a fuckin’ bill of sale.
He says “How about you don’t ask me for something, you don”t deserve?”
Holy Shit, back up before I kill you. I am this close to going to visit my mom in Tucson and stopping by your fuckin’ office and shitting all over it and fist fucking your chest cavity.
Then he starts with how the airline has lost money and all that. “Did you get paid this week? ” “Would you lose your job if you gave me a voucher?”
Yes and No. Sir.
So it’s personal? GRRRR!!!
He also tells me how his company would be losing more money if they continued to give away free money to those who didn’t deserve it. Well, Mr. Anthony Barnett, don’t we have a high opinion of our job? You are sitting in a fuckin’ beige office in Tucson, with a Hang In There poster of a cat on a limb next to your desk, telling me how you are single handedly going to save the sinking ship that is American Airlines by not giving me a 200 dollar voucher.
And I thought doctors were noble occupations.
So I tell this guy I am going to murder him and eat his children and then I get a rescheduled flight for a connecting flight through St Louis.
Did I ever tell you the time where my flight was stuck on the runway for 4 hours? Then they asked us if we wanted to buy a salad for 4 dollars?
American Airlines Update number 1: (written while on plane)
Sometimes when I am walking down the street with a friend, I’ll say something stupid. This actually happens quite a bit. Then my friend will make fun of me. And then they will trip or get shit on or get hit by a bicyclist.
What I say next is. “see, Instant Karmatic Response!” I may not believe directly in Karma, I do hope that some of our energy, positive or negative comes back to us in some way.
When I got in the taxi this morning to go to the airport, it was 420am and the cab stunk of gin and tonic. I said Laguardia, please. And looked down and saw a 20 dollar bill. Somewhat delayed Karmatic Response to Mr. Barnett’s shitty attitude. Thanks, Karma Monster.
When I arrive at 440am for my 6am flight, I find out it is delayed, even though it’s already 4am and the plane is parked at the terminal. So why is it delayed? Super storm anyone?
So after waiting 40 minutes to have a runway open up for us to leave, the Pilot comes on and says, Ok we are ready to leave. Please buckle up.
Two minutes later, he comes on and says, it looks like we have been overloaded with too much luggage and we are going to have to sit on the runway while we burn off some fuel so we can reach the correct weight before we leave. Wha? Huh?
It almost seems like I am making this shit up doesn’t it?
I arrived at O’Hare at like 10am so I can see Man Man at like 2p in Union Park for Pitchfork….
tired.”
Thu 19 Aug 2010
an Introduction.
Posted by krist under Uncategorized
No Comments
good morning. hello and all that.
my name is kristian and I travel a bit. sometimes it’s for work and sometimes its to see new places or old friends, or maybe both. unfortunately I might have the worst travel luck of all time.
now I imagine most of you saying “kristian, you’re still alive, isn’t that lucky alone…”
NO.
it’s like would you rather be put in jail for the next 50 years or just be hung? I say the latter.
anyway, I believe that somewhere in my past or maybe in a past life, I somehow cheated death on mistake and death has been repaying me by giving me shitty luck traveling over and over and over.
I plan on writing a bit about my travel experience and cutting and pasting some old stories of my travel woes here from my other site (www.thepunkguy.com).
and now for some older stories…
